


Where Do I Begin?

by mandagrammy



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M, Romance, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 17:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3819262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandagrammy/pseuds/mandagrammy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my newest version of what comes after Brian and Justin part at the loft, and Justin heads off to the airport for his flight to New York City.  As we all know it was Winter time.  Who could forget the unforgettable scene as snow fell outside their window when they made such beautiful love together?  Well, what if the snow fell so heavily that night that all flights were delayed?  And what if Justin, who we all know loves to make conversation with interesting people, finds himself sharing the waiting hours with a kindly old lady (yes, I'm putting myself into this story) who also enjoys a good conversation?  Where does it all lead?  Read on to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Do I Begin?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Justin Taylor, a youthful looking twenty-two year old, clicked the end call button on his cell and began to smile slowly. The rather plump elderly lady with a remarkably kind face who sat next to him briefly thought that she had never seen a more beatific smile. The corners of his mouth rose ever higher and it was obvious that the call he had received, which interrupted their conversation, had brought the young man news of a most agreeable nature. She waited a moment to see if the lad, who had given his name as Justin earlier, would continue their conversation where they had left off. 

Mrs. Hinkle, a widow for many years now, loved traveling, and despite her advanced years was still spry enough to do so on her own. She preferred traveling with friends, but this time around none of her closest companions was available to join her. That was not going to stop her from visiting New York City again in order to take in a couple of the revivals of old musicals she had seen in her youth. Besides which, one of the perks that came with traveling alone was meeting and getting to know new people. The old girl particularly loved younger folks. They often made her feel young again herself as she listened to them rattle on about their lives. There was something about the way she paid attention to them that always seemed to make them open up to her. She had long since thought of it as a gift.

This particular evening was no different. There had been a snowstorm that hit the city of Pittsburgh and delayed all flights out, although it looked like most of them would still be able to fly out once the runways were cleared and planes de-iced. For that reason Mrs. Hinkle had taken a seat in the lounge area of a restaurant/bar and sat with her cocktail in hand while waiting on word about the flight. That was when the young man, Justin, had taken a seat on the same couch and nursed his own drink. A shy smile between the two led to an introduction and comments about the weather, which included frustrations over having to possibly sit for hours before making their journey.

Once Justin discovered that the kindly Senior was traveling on the same flight he was on, he began opening up to her. She was a born conversationalist and Justin enjoyed the art of conversation as much as she did. He began telling her about his plans to move to New York City in order to study his art and someday make a name for himself in the artistic world. He had not checked his artist's portfolio and was more than pleased when she asked to see some of his work. Her praise was quite lavish for the drawings that he had stored inside.

Mrs. Hinkle couldn't help noticing that there was more than one drawing of a single person. There was something about the pencil drawings that caught her imagination. Maybe it was the eyes or maybe the attention to detail of the figure itself in different poses, some a wee bit risqué (not that it bothered the very liberal-minded septuagenarian). Whatever it was that caught her eye, it was obvious that the young man loved his work and put a great deal of his heart into it. Mrs. Hinkle had a great appreciation for talented artists in every field. It was clear to her that this Justin was one of those. She had no doubt he would succeed in the big City.

Without thinking, the elderly woman blurted out how handsome the young man's model was in so many of the drawings. Almost immediately she noticed a change in Justin's voice. It wasn't exactly sad, but there was a slight melancholy to his tone that had definitely not been there earlier on. Mrs. Hinkle tried not to be a nosy person, but she felt herself compelled to ask who the slender man in the drawings might be. Justin paused, as if gathering his thoughts so that his answer would make sense.

"That's Brian," he answered quietly. "He's my....ahhhh, my fiance...or maybe I should say ex-fiance." 

There was no mistaking the sadness that crept unbidden into Justin's voice as he made that statement. Before Mrs. Hinkle could react with any more questions or a sympathetic ear, it was at that moment that the young man's cell phone rang. She watched as Justin checked to see who was calling and saw a distinct change in his face. He lifted a finger to indicate he'd be back, got up from his seat, and walked away a few feet before answering his phone with his back turned to his elderly companion. The call only lasted a minute, but when the young man turned around, she could see a distinct difference in Justin's demeanor. There was a puzzled look on his face that had not been there before the call came in. 

"I hope everything is alright," she stated. She didn't mean to pry, but it was obvious that something important had just happened and it was hard to tell if it was a good thing or not.

Her voice caught Justin's attention, seeming to pull him back to his current surroundings after taking a quick trip somewhere else in his thoughts. That was when she noticed a new gleam in the young man's eyes.

"I don't know," he answered her slowly, as if mulling it over and trying to decide what the truth was. Then Justin apparently felt almost compelled to explain further. "That was Brian...the man we were just talking about."

"Your ex-fiance? Was he concerned about the weather?" Mrs. Hinkle checked herself. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It really isn't any of my business. Please forgive me," she begged.

Justin shook his head. "No, please. Don't apologize. I don't mind you asking. Truth is, I like to talk about Brian. I've been accused in the past of not knowing when to stop talking about him. But to answer your question...I'm not really sure what that call was about. He didn't mention the weather or my flight or anything. He just told me that it was important for me to stay where I am and not to leave the airport. I mean, first he asked me if my flight had been delayed and when I said yes, that's when he told me that he was coming to the airport and he asked me to wait for him. He didn't even ask when the delayed flight was supposed to leave."

"Are you going to wait for him even if it means missing your flight? With the weather as bad as it is, he might not get here before it leaves."

"I...ahhh....I...I'm not sure. I told him I would though."

"Well, if you'll excuse me for saying, I get the feeling that you want to wait no matter what. I also get the feeling that your Brian is still very important to you...ex or not."

Justin wasn't sure how to respond. He took a moment and then answered.

"It's complicated. You see, we were planning to have a marriage ceremony. Brian even bought us matching rings, and all our friends and family were invited to attend. But in the end we made different choices. That doesn't mean we no longer love each other. Like I said, it's complicated. I just wish I knew why he wants to see me again before I leave. I thought we had already talked everything out."

"Well, my dear boy, I've been told I'm a good sounding board. I can see that you are feeling some confusion. If you want to talk it out, I am happy to listen." 

Mrs. Hinkle placed her hand over her heart and raised her hand heavenward. "I also promise not to offer any sage advice from this old girl unless I am asked." She smiled up at Justin.

Justin sat back into the seat he had vacated. He looked down between his shoes at the polished floor of the terminal waiting room and contemplated whether to open up to this stranger. Somehow talking to her felt safer than pouring out his heart to one of his friends, or even his Mom. There would be no judgments made since she didn't know either Brian or him. Quietly, he began his story. Mrs. Hinkle crossed her arms under her ample bosom, sat back in her chair and listened.

**********************************************************************

"Where do I begin?"

"I guess it all started when I made up my mind to really find out what being gay was all about. I don't mean the mechanics of it, but what it is like being a part of that community. You know, not being an outsider...different than everyone else around you. You see, I had already realized I was gay since forever. I didn't feel ashamed of it, or anything stupid like that, but I felt isolated because of it. I was seventeen and curious about everything, especially this one subject. So one day I finally got up the courage to use the internet to locate the area of town that was known to be a gathering place for the gay community and decided to visit there with the help of my best friend, Daphne."

"I had to keep it a secret because, although I was not ashamed of who I was I also wasn't prepared to come out to my parents yet. The only one who knew was Daphne. She dropped me off on Liberty Avenue, and I did my best to blend in. Believe me, it was a whole new world. There were gay folks everywhere I looked...every kind of gay man one could imagine. Funny thing is, I felt right at home immediately, but I was still a little scared. But that's when it happened. That's when I saw HIM. Brian Kinney!"

"I was standing across the street from where his Jeep was parked and suddenly we locked eyes. I'm telling you now, I'd never felt anything like that in my life. It was like magic...like I had fallen into a trance. He was so beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes off his face. He left the friends he was with and walked right up to me. He stood inches from me and started talking to me, asking all kinds of questions. His voice was mesmerizing. The next thing I knew, he was asking me to go home with him."

Justin heard his companion gasp. He let out a short laugh.

"I know...I know. It was crazy, stupid, and a dangerous thing to do. But the truth is, I could no more say no to that man than jump off a ten-storey building. I wasn't naive. I knew the risk, but I had to go with him. And it was the best night of my entire life to that point. Later on he would tell himself that all we did was have sex, but I knew better. He made love to me that night...literally all night. I lost my virginity and my heart on the same night."

"As they say, however, the course of true love never runs smoothly. Isn't that what they tend to say? Well I can tell you from experience...it is very true." Justin let out a much longer laugh. "For Brian and I, the course of true love was as bumpy and rough as it can get."

"It sounds like it worked itself out eventually," she observed briefly.

"Oh yes, it did, but nothing came easy for us. First I have to explain an important part of this whole story. You see, Brian is quite a bit older than me. Well, not a great deal older but he was almost thirty. On top of that, he was not a man who believed in relationships. He believed in one-night stands."

Justin noticed the surprised look on his companion's face and responded quickly.

"Don't get me wrong. He wanted to fall in love although he didn't know it." Justin laughed again. "At least that is the way I feel about him. He'll deny it to his dying day, but he was a man in need of someone to love who would love him back. The problem was that he had grown up in a cold hateful household and had been hurt deeply by it. He had set up walls around his heart to protect himself from being hurt like that again as an adult, but I wasn't willing to let him hide behind those walls forever."

"Believe me when I say that knocking down those walls was a Herculean task. Unfortunately, it seemed that every time we made headway together as a couple something would happen to set us back to square one. The worst of these disasters came during the first year of our...well, I guess you'd call it...friendship. Or more properly it could be called a friendship with benefits, if you know what I mean."

Mrs. Hinkle nodded knowingly. She knew she should be shocked picturing a high school student with the older man, but for some reason she wasn't. She waited for Justin to continue.

"Well anyway, I was already in love with Brian but he refused to acknowledge any feelings remotely like that for me. However, his actions spoke louder than his words...or lack thereof. You see, he never ever spent time with his other conquests. One time was more than enough with every single one of them, but he came back to me time and time again. His close circle of friends even recognized that it was different with me. It gave me just enough hope to hang in there. I even invited him to my Senior Prom as my date, but he turned me down. Then everything changed because of that night."

"What happened?"

"Brian showed up. He came to the dance. He was beautiful...dressed to kill. No man in that place looked as good as he did. All the students literally parted to make way for him as he walked over to me. He asked me to dance and I was in Heaven. Then, at the end of the dance he kissed me...right in front of everyone. Then he pulled me away from the dance and took me out where his Jeep was parked and kissed me again. We made a date to meet later and I was returning to the dance to get my friend, Daphne, when my world exploded. A homophobic classmate of mine had followed Brian and I out to the parking garage and he attacked me with a baseball bat."

Justin stopped instantly at the sound of a loud gasp coming from Mrs. Hinkle. He then continued on.

"Believe it or not, I was lucky. If I hadn't turned my head around at the sound of Brian trying to warn me, the bat would have killed me when he struck my head." Justin's hand unconsciously moved up to the very spot where the bat had struck, and he gently rubbed across the now hidden scar. Then he went on.

"Yes, the blow struck me, but the only thing it did was nearly ruin my future career as an artist. You see, it damaged the part of my brain that controls motor skills in my hand. If it hadn't been for Brian discovering a way for me to use a computer to still create my drawings, I would have given up any attempt to be artistic from then on."

Mrs. Hinkle couldn't help interrupting again. "Your Mr. Kinney sounds like an amazing man. He must have cared deeply for your welfare."

"Yes he did, and it was through his care that I finally was able to remember the trauma in full and learned to deal with it. I had blocked it all out for quite some time after it happened."

"I guess there was no doubt anymore of how he felt about you?" she asked. 

"I'm afraid our troubles weren't over. You see, Brian still didn't trust our relationship enough to break down all the walls around his heart. He was good to me...that is very true, but he refused to openly acknowledge how he felt or consider us an exclusive couple. Being very young and in love...and a born romantic, it was all I wanted from him. I became discontented even though I still loved him deeply. Then a fellow student at the college I attended began showing an interest in me and knew exactly the right things to say at just the right time."

Justin lowered his head and his voice dropped. "I'm afraid I was the one who broke all the rules we had agreed on for our relationship...mine and Brian's. I began seeing this other guy, a violin student, on the side and then Brian found out about it. The truth is I was glad he had. I wanted so badly for it to force him into admitting that he loved me and wanted me to stay with him, but he wouldn't do it. He believed in free will and made it clear that the choice was mine. He wouldn't let me blackmail him into saying something he didn't think he could...those three magic words I thought I had to have to make me stay. I made the huge mistake then of choosing the flowery words of Ethan over the honesty and deeds that proved his love for me that Brian offered."

"Ahhh yes, the folly of youth," was all the elderly woman said.

"Folly is right," Justin agreed. "Ethan proved to be faithless and I finally realized the value in what Brian had to offer me. It took quite a while before I was finally able to win him back. After that, however, we were closer than ever. He even acknowledged me as his boyfriend, but still set limits on exclusivity. At least there were no secrets between us and I valued the honesty by then."

"The important thing too was that we were always there for each other. He was there for me when I worked to keep a bigoted homophobe out of the Mayor's office and I was there for him when he lost his job... Oh, did I mention that he is an advertising executive? Anyway, he lost his job because of helping me since he was supposed to be promoting this same guy. But something great came of it when he opened his own agency and I was there for him when he did that."

"He was there for me again when I met a new guy who had formed a semi-vigilante group to help protect gays in the streets. I joined the group because I still had deeply buried anger over my bashing that I hadn't dealt with. Brian was afraid for me but he stood by me and let me work it out for myself. I grew up a lot because of his support and was able to finally let it all go. I don't think I would have been able to do that without Brian in my corner. But of course, we had to hit another speed bump that came very close to derailing us for good again. This time it was Brian who screwed up."

"Oh dear!"

"Oh dear is right! Brian discovered he had developed testicular cancer and made up his mind for the first time between us not to be honest. He kept the diagnosis to himself. He acted like nothing was wrong. He even left town, supposedly on a short vacation, when he had really gone away for the necessary surgery to save his life. He faked the whole thing. But that wasn't the worst part."

"It wasn't?" Mrs. Hinkle sounded surprised.

"No! The worst part was what happened when I stumbled on the truth accidentally. The SOB actually kicked me out of his home and said he never wanted to see me again."

"No!!" She sounded genuinely shocked. 

"Yes! I was so angry! But luckily his childhood friend, who knows him better than anyone besides myself, clued me in to what was going on in Brian's head. He reminded me that Brian was actually very insecure in some ways and was certain that I would leave him now that he wasn't perfect anymore after having a ball removed. Can you imagine such stupidity...especially for such a smart man?"

Mrs. Hinkle could, but said nothing. The more her young companion talked about this Brian, the more the man reminded her of her own dearly departed husband. His vulnerability, that he took great pains to hide from the world, was one of the things that endeared her husband to her. It sounded like that held true for Justin and his man too. 

"So what did you do?" 

"I confronted him...and none too gently, I can assure you of that. I made it perfectly clear to him that the last thing I would want to do was leave him for any imperfections he might have and then I ordered him to bed and gave him my home-made chicken soup."

Mrs. Hinkle couldn't help laughing out loud. The very image of this handsome young man forcing chicken soup on his ailing lover like an old-fashioned Mother to one of her children was too humorous for words. Justin smiled and continued on.

"Anyway, we got over that hurdle and were stronger than ever, but then I got a job offer in Hollywood that I simply couldn't refuse. It was work on a movie that was supposed to be made based on a gay comic book hero that I created the drawings for. I didn't want to leave Brian behind but the job was supposed to be short-term. Unfortunately it dragged on much longer than anticipated. Then they cancelled the film. When I returned home, it really did appear that nothing had changed between us...at least on the surface."

"But it had?"

"Yes, I guess it had, but it wasn't obvious at first. It took a little time. I don't know what it was, but I felt like I had grown up a bit while away from home and Brian hadn't grown at all. In many ways, despite the fact that he is older than me by a dozen years, he is more immature than I am...or at least it was getting to be that way. I began longing for a more committed relationship from Brian. I think the fact that his best friend had found one with his boyfriend...even to the point of them getting married in Canada, buying a house in the suburbs, and taking on the raising of an adopted son caused me to want the same thing. Call it a case of 'relationship envy', but all I know is that I started to pull away from us as a couple without even realizing that I was doing it."

"One day, Brian came home from work and I was waiting for him with my bags packed. In a way, history was repeating itself because deep down I wanted him to stop me by telling me he loved me and didn't want me to leave just like the first time. Only this time there was no other guy. I just felt that we were never going to walk the same path in life even though I knew I still loved him more than anyone...and I knew he loved me too. But just like the first time, he watched me walk out the door and made no move to stop me."

Mrs. Hinkle interjected, "Obviously something changed your minds since you mentioned earlier that you were engaged to be married."

"Oh yes, something rather earth shattering happened and it changed everything in the blink of an eye. Did you say that you are from Pittsburgh?"

"Yes, dear...born and bred."

"Then you may remember hearing not too long ago about an explosion at a gay club that was being used for a charity event to fight the Prop 14 bill that they were trying to pass." She nodded. Well, I and many of my friends and family were at that club when it happened. As a matter of fact, the married friend I mentioned earlier was one of those that almost died because of it. I was one of the lucky ones. I had a few bruises but that was all. Brian was on his way out of town for a pleasure trip when he heard about it over the radio and it completely freaked him out."

"I can imagine," Mrs. Hinkle whispered breathlessly.

"It was like getting hit by a bolt of lightning. As he put it...he was so damned scared. He had one huge regret at that very moment...and he's a man who likes to say that he doesn't do regrets. He regretted he had never told me to my face that he loved me and now he was afraid he'd never get the chance."

"And did he? I mean he obviously got the chance since you are standing here in front of me."

"He did!" 

Mrs. Hinkle let a tear slide from the corner of her eye and a bright smile crossed her face. Justin moved on.

"Mind you, I've never felt such joy in my entire life. But at the same time, I was afraid to believe in it. I pulled back from him the next day when he proposed to me and accused him of only saying it because of the trauma. That's when he went out of his way...and totally out of character to prove how much he meant every word. He bought me a beautiful country house and declared his love again. I looked deep into his eyes and it suddenly became very clear to me that there was a real change in Brian. I accepted his proposal then and there."

"Sounds like the beginning of a 'happily ever after' to me," she mused out loud.

"You would think so, wouldn't you? Funny thing is, the more we prepared for the ceremony the more I thought Brian had changed too much. He began acting like the kind of man I had imagined I wanted all along, but I now realized that it was the Brian I had known for nearly five years that I really wanted. We talked it over for hours and hours and in the end, we decided that we didn't need a wedding ceremony or legal papers to prove that we loved each other."

Mrs. Hinkle became confused. "So you broke up? But it sounds like you still love each other. I'm afraid I don't understand."

"I can empathize. Actually, I'm not certain how we got to this point either. You see, I left out the part where I received a glowing review in a popular magazine by an art critic during this time period and there were folks who had been pushing me to move to New York City in order to capitalize on the positive publicity. That included Brian during our talk because he felt he would be holding me back if he didn't. I had refused to entertain the idea at first, but...and I'm not really sure how it happened...I found myself agreeing to the idea during our discussion. I guess I just didn't want Brian to feel burdened by guilt, but now that I look back on it I think the whole idea is another mistake that we are making. But I don't know how to rectify it now."

"But now you are saying that your Brian has asked you to wait for him before boarding your plane for New York. Do you think that just maybe he is having second thoughts too?"

Justin was about to answer when an announcement came over the loudspeaker, informing passengers for the New York City flight that they were ready to start boarding immediately. 

"Well, my dear, it looks like your young man had better hurry if he wants to speak to you in person."

Justin stood up and turned to stare at the entryway from the outside to their waiting room in hopes of seeing Brian approaching. There was no one remotely like him to be seen anywhere. His face fell. He sat back down heavily next to his new friend. She laid a hand gently on his arm.

"Why don't you wait a bit? They haven't made a final call yet." 

Justin nodded and Mrs. Hinkle settled in beside him. She didn't have the heart to leave the young man alone at this time. Minutes ticked by slowly, but there was still no sign of Brian. Another call was made for his flight, but still he waited. More minutes passed and the last call for the flight finally came. Justin stood slowly. The phone hadn't even rung. Maybe Brian had changed his mind again. It wouldn't be the first time. Justin extended his arm. The elderly woman hooked her hand through the open arm with a sigh. They turned toward the gate where the few remaining passengers waited for their turn to take the runway to the plane. 

"Justin!!!"

Justin whipped around, knowing that voice like no other. He saw Brian hurrying towards him, barely able to catch his breath. Mrs. Hinkle released Justin's arm, leaving him free to move towards the tall brunet with the flushed face who had captured his attention with a single word. He didn't hesitate. The two men stopped short only inches apart as they hurriedly approached each other. They stood for long seconds just staring into one another's faces, neither making a move. The elderly woman, even with her slowly diminishing eyesight, could see the unmistakable signs of affection that literally flowed between the two figures. There was also a kind of tension that was almost palpable, even from this distance. It was as if they both stood on the edge of a cliff and were afraid that one wrong step would send one or both of them plunging into the unknown.

A young airline employee stepped up to Mrs. Hinkle, warning her that the gate was about to close and she should hurry if she didn't want to miss her flight. She glanced back to the spot where Justin and his Brian still stood as still as statues. She started to call to Justin to give him a warning too, but just as suddenly changed her mind. With a wide smile, she turned away from the couple and started for the ramp leading to her plane. As she made her way to her seat, she wondered if she would see the lovely young blond again...if he would be her traveling companion or not. Somehow, she hoped not. He was the nicest young man she had met in years, but she prayed he'd end up going home this night...and all the nights to come. She knew it was what he truly wanted.

*****************************************************************************

Brian was the first to blink.

"You'll miss your flight if you don't go now," he reminded Justin, sounding oddly as if he was a man who looked forward to that prospect.

"Why did you ask me to wait for you, Brian? And why did you come all this way in such bad weather just to say good-bye? I thought we had done that already back at your loft."

"Our loft, Justin. And yes, I thought we had said good-bye too. But Justin, it doesn't feel right...no, I mean it doesn't feel good. And you know that I only like to do things that feel good to me. The more I lay in that bed, the more wrong it felt. I started thinking, if this feels so wrong then maybe that's because it is wrong! I came here because I have one very important question to ask you and I had to do it face-to-face."

"And your question is?" Justin asked, holding his breath...knowing what he wanted Brian to ask and fearful it would not happen.

"There are two parts to this question. One...do you really want to move to New York City, at least right now?"

"And the second part...?"

"And will you stay with me...for better or worse...for richer or poorer...in sickness or in health...forsaking all others, unless as a couple...with or without a marriage certificate...till death do us part?"

Tears had begun to well up in Justin's eyes, dancing in the corners before slowly beginning their journey down his cheeks. That's when he noticed that Brian was holding something up to him...something small between his two long fingers. He recognized the rings that Brian had kept when they cancelled their wedding. A torturous second passed for Brian...but then Justin raised his hand and stuck out his ring finger.

Brian happily slipped the ring down Justin's finger and then handed him the larger of the two identical rings. Justin accepted it and waited for Brian to extend his hand. He matched the slow movements of slipping the ring down the length of Brian's finger. The couple gazed into each other's eyes, both glistening from the moisture gathered there.

"You can kiss me now," Justin exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"I love you, Justin," Brian proudly declared, gathering the blond into his arms and lowering his head so that their lips could meet.

The very few passengers and employees that were nearby stared with varying degrees of wonder as the tall brunet and shorter blond man kissed. It was a kiss that many recognized as one full of promises made and kept...and promises of things to come. It seemed to last forever before they parted, still holding tight to one another.

"I love you too, Brian...always have and always will...now and forever."

The End


End file.
